And Then She's Gone
by DDstalker
Summary: Scully can’t go though with it. Not one shot! From Matchbox 20’s song Rest Stop. REALLY sad, I was crying when I wrote it so yeah. But it’s still good. Or I hope so…
1. Default Chapter

Title: Rest Stop  
  
Archive: Please?  
  
Spoilers: Post Truth  
  
Disclaimers: I DO NOT own either the X files or Matchbox 20, though it would be quite nice to have them do whatever I want….  
  
Summary: Scully can't go though with it. Not one shot! From Matchbox 20's song Rest Stop. REALLY sad, I was crying when I wrote it so yeah. But it's still good. Or I hope so…  
  
*Somewhere in the United States*  
  
Just three miles from the rest stop  
  
And she slams on the brakes  
  
Mulder had just closed his eyes and started to drift off, when Scully hit the brakes. He was jerked awake. This confused him since just about three miles ago at a rest stop they changed drivers…  
  
She said I've tried to be what I'm not  
  
And could you please collect your things  
  
Scully opened her mouth; Mulder got scared about what she might say. "I've tried to be what I'm not. So could you please collect your things." Was all that came out of Scully's mouth. Mulder knew that this was going to happen eventually.  
  
I don't want to be cold   
  
I don't want to be cruel   
  
But I gotta find more then what's happening to you  
  
If you'd open up the door  
  
Mulder didn't know how to ask why without coming off as a jerk. But as always Scully knew what Mulder wanted before he said anything. Comes from being partners all those years. He thought wryly.  
  
She said "While you were sleeping   
  
I was listening to the radio and wandering what you were dreaming, when it came to mind that I didn't care."  
  
Mulder remembered suddenly. He had been asleep when he heard crying, so he had waken up to Scully looking at him and crying. He had at the time thought it was all about giving up William. Apparently that wasn't the case. He had kissed her and hugged her soothing her till she stopped crying. Whispering comforting words in her ear.   
  
So I thought "Hell if it's over I'd had better end it quicker or I could lose my nerve  
  
Are you listening?  
  
Can you hear me?  
  
Have you forgotten?  
  
Mulder got out and got his bag from the trunk and returned to the front passenger seat, he knew he shouldn't stay to long or he wouldn't be able to hold up this mask of no emotions. But Scully had already constructed a steel wall around her to protect her from him.  
  
Just three miles from the rest stop   
  
And my mouths to dry to rage  
  
Mulder wanted to yell. He wanted to scream "Why?" But he couldn't get past this lump in his throat. He reached for the soda but the straw had her lipstick on it. His hand shot back down to his side. He couldn't make himself drink it.  
  
The light was shining from the radio  
  
I could barely see her face  
  
In the glow from the radio, Scully's face looked green and not quite natural. But she would always look beautiful to Mulder. He couldn't believe he was letting her go so easily after all these years.   
  
But she knew all the words that I never had said  
  
She knew the crumpled up promise of this broken down man  
  
Mulder couldn't put what he was feeling in words. But he knew Scully would always know what he had left unsaid. He was aware even if he said the words to her she still wouldn't stay. So all he said was..  
  
"Someday"   
  
"Someday" She repeated with a sad half smile on her face. Even if they both knew someday wasn't ever going to come. But they had to assure themselves that it wasn't good-bye forever. When in their hearts the truth roared its ugly head.  
  
Mulder leaned over and gave her a peck on the lips. Both wouldn't show the other the satisfaction of seeing how much this affected them. They could not cry in fear the other would cave in and cry. Making them stay in this shell of a life. They had been doing this dance around each other for 9 years. Mulder closed the car door. And watched her drive away. The pain would come later. He turned and started walking the 3 miles back to the rest stop.  
  
Rest Stop  
  
Just three miles from the rest stop   
  
And she slams on the brakes  
  
She said I've tried to be what I'm not  
  
And could you please collect your things  
  
I don't wanna be cold   
  
I don't wanna be cruel  
  
But I gotta find more   
  
Then what's happening to you  
  
If you'd-open up the door  
  
Chorus: She said-while you were sleeping I was listening to the radio  
  
And wondering what you were dreaming when  
  
It came to mind that I didn't care  
  
So I thought-hell if it's over   
  
I had better end quick   
  
Or I could lose my nerve  
  
Are you listening-can you hear me  
  
Have you forgotten  
  
Just three miles from the rest stop   
  
And my mouths to dry to rage  
  
The light was shining from the radio  
  
I could barely see her face  
  
But she knew all the words that I never had said   
  
She knew the crumpled-up promise of this   
  
Broken down man-and as I opened up the door  
  
Chorus: She said-while you were sleeping I was listening to the radio  
  
And wondering what you were dreaming when  
  
It came to mind that I didn't care  
  
So I thought-hell if it's over   
  
I had better end quick   
  
Or I could lose my nerve  
  
Are you listening-can you hear me  
  
Have you forgotten  
  
Chorus: She said-while you were sleeping I was listening to the radio  
  
And wondering what you were dreaming when  
  
It came to mind that I didn't care  
  
So I thought-hell if it's over   
  
I had better end quick   
  
Or I could lose my nerve  
  
Are you listening-can you hear me  
  
Have you forgotten  
  
A/n  
  
There it is. Love it? Hate it? TELL ME!!! There's going to be more chapters. Well that's all from this author!  
  
DDStalker  
  
(I stalk DAVID!!) 


	2. All Alone

All the other craps suppose to be here is in the 1st chapter.  
  
A/N Thanks for all the reviews!!!  
  
*Golden Door Hotel (Mulder's POV)*  
  
"I'm so tired of being here  
  
Suppressed by all my childish fear  
  
And if you have to leave  
  
I wish that you would just leave"  
  
  
  
It had been 3 months since I'd let Scully go, but that was only physically. She was still there in my heart. She would always be there I knew that, yet I wanted the hurt and pain to go away. Then there was the anger after the numbness had worn off. Anger I'd allowed her leave so easily. And even after that there was the pain that seemed it would never go away.  
  
"'Cause your presence still lingers here  
  
And it won't leave me alone"  
  
She was always there though. Not as in physically but spiritually. I could feel her and hear her in my head. I was going mad….  
  
So I turned to drinking. Not in public of course not. But rather in the endless hotel rooms I stayed at. All I needed was a bottle of Vodka that gets me though the night. I drink and get drunk instead of having the memories of the past 9 years assault and haunt me. Anything was better then that.  
  
"These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
This pain is just too real  
  
There's just too much that time cannot erase"  
  
I'd had wounds before, but usually the physical ones heal fast and I'm gone. But the mental ones, those never leave you. I just got over my sister 2 years ago; I don't think I'll ever get over Scully. She was a part of me even if I didn't notice it till too late.  
  
Time. What is time really? 9 years, we were together 9 years and she can leave that easy. I thought I meant more to her then that. Apparently not…  
  
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
  
I held your hand through all of these years  
  
But you still have  
  
All of me"  
  
I don't know what went wrong. It probably the fact we were always on the run. Or maybe she just couldn't take the truth, she rather live in a lie then face the truth. I can't say I blame her.  
  
But what about all I went though to protect her and my son. Dear god watch over them for me. I promised I'd protect her. I had for the most part. I was there when she needed a shoulder to cry on, when she was scared, and when she needed to feel loved. That might be it when she needed to be loved. Could the feelings I had for her be fake. No, cause then there wouldn't be this pain where my heart should be.  
  
"You used to captivate me  
  
By your resonating life  
  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind"  
  
I use to love to watch her sleep. I'd do it whenever I could. I might sound like a pervert but when she slept, she looked like an angel from heaven. Some angel…. To leave me in this hellhole of a life alone. With no one to look over me and for me to have no one to look over. I'm alone. Isn't that want I wanted?  
  
The truth. It doesn't matter to me anymore. Stopping them, finding the cure, it means nothing to me. See what happens when you fall in love Fox old buddy? Talking to myself again I see. You the one to blame: you choose this lifestyle from the beginning. You knew what the consequences were. You just didn't know it meant losing Scully.  
  
"Your face it haunts  
  
My once pleasant dreams  
  
Your voice it chased away  
  
All the sanity in me"  
  
When I do sleep, it's only of her. What I once thought I would always have. What a laugh. Her voice. Another beautiful thing about Scully. The voice that woke me up more then once in a hospital. Now when I woke up from my nightmares I hear no calm voice reassuring me everything is alright. I think I'm going crazy…  
  
The pills and the vodka look so inviting. If she was ever coming back she would have by now. Said that tiny voice in my head. Might as well end. I pick up the bottle of pills shake out a handful put them in my mouth, then open up the bottle and take a swig. The burning in my throat matching the burning in my heart.   
  
When it's the vodka all most gone and the full bottle of pills is gone, I lay my head down on the pillow the hotel manger find me in the morning. Another suicide another unknown man dies. No one would miss me. And Scully wouldn't for sure. Then when I'm almost gone I see Scully by my side. But only for a moment then I'm gone.   
  
My Immortal  
  
By: Evanescence  
  
"I'm so tired of being here  
  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
  
And if you have to leave  
  
I wish that you would just leave  
  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
  
And it won't leave me alone  
  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
This pain is just too real  
  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
  
[Chorus]  
  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
  
I held your hand through all of these years  
  
But you still have  
  
All of me  
  
You used to captivate me  
  
By your resonating life  
  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
  
Your face it haunts  
  
My once pleasant dreams  
  
Your voice it chased away  
  
All the sanity in me  
  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
This pain is just too real  
  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
  
[Chorus]  
  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
  
But though you're still with me  
  
I've been alone all along"  
  
A/N  
  
Well this is chapter 2. Tell me if you like it! I love this SONG!!! Well I'm going to continue if I get enough reviews…SO review!!!! 


	3. Everyone Hurt's

*Lee Summit Hospital (Scully POV)*  
  
"When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone, when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on. Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes."  
  
My Mulder. I had let down my Mulder. I had left him all alone. And now he was on the verge of dying. I had walked into the motel room and found him on the bed drunk and overdosed on extra strength Tylenol. My god he was killing himself for me.   
  
The last three months hadn't been easy for me either. Mulder didn't know the real reason I had left. Skinner had called and said he needed me for an undercover mission. I had agreed to go, he had only one condition. Hurt Mulder so he won't follow you. And by the looks of it I had done a damn good job.  
  
I should have known; Mulder was a guilt-ridden person. This would affect him too much. I had broken him unintentionally but I had destroyed the man I loved all the same. Now he was dying, and there's nothing I can do about it.  
  
"Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along. When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on) if you feel like letting go, (hold on) when you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on."  
  
I was at his bedside holding his hand. I had been here more times then I could count. Always the only thing going though my head was "Hold on, hold on." This time was no different.  
  
He was in a coma. The words shocked me; I'd never had anyone I love try to kill him or herself. Sure lots of people I'd love had died that was the risk of my job. But never had I had someone try to kill him or herself because of me. What had I done?  
  
"Mulder don't leave me. I found the cure, I love you, and…and I'm pregnant again." I was pleading to a comatose man.   
  
Tears poured from my eyes, this was just too much. Fate and love are two very cruel things. Everything was falling apart. I needed to get out.  
  
"Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends. Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand. If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone"  
  
Skinner arrived an hour later. He looked down at Mulder's barely hanging on body. Then pulled up a chair next to his bedside. No words needed to be spoken. But I knew he blamed himself for this. It was funny in a morbid way in which we all blamed ourselves for this. It was a chain, and I hated everything about it.   
  
Mulder was alone the last three months when I left him, then the lone gunmen were died, and Skinner in Washington. He had no one to comfort him. He was all-alone; things got bad when he was alone. Look what had happened here…  
  
"If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long, when you think you've had too much of this life to hang on."  
  
I squeezed Mulder's hand on more time then got up and left the room. I heard Skinner move into my chair. He probably thought I was going to the bathroom, in my present condition that was a good guess. But a wrong one. I was going for a drive.  
  
In the car I drove out into the country, I drove fast. Trying to escape death and everything else that had happened in the last 24 hours. My car ran out of gas, leaving me on a dark deserted country road. "Great" I thought and inwardly groaned inside.   
  
I got out of the car and stopped. The night was too quiet; something was off. Then I saw it in the sky. I ran but you can't outrun those things. It overtook me. The blinding white light cascaded over my body. I was lifted in the air. My last thought was of Mulder…  
  
"Well, everybody hurts sometimes, everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes. And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (repeat & fade) (Everybody hurts. You are not alone.)"  
  
*Lee Summit Hospital (Mulder's POV)*  
  
I woke with a pounding headache to a low voice talking to me. I cracked my eyes to see my old boss Skinner. I hadn't seen him in a year. He was getting older, his shoulders sagged, his face was a mass of wrinkled worry lines (Most of them given to him from me no doubt..), but his eyes still had that life in them.  
  
"Where's Scully?" I asked momentarily forgetting what had happened. It didn't correct me his face just got darker.  
  
"They found her car on a country road, out of gas. And no trace of Scully. Make no mistake she was here by your side Mulder." He said his voice firm his eyes pitying.   
  
"She was abducted?" I said surprised but not really.  
  
"And another thing Mulder. She was pregnant." The pieces of my life that weren't shattered, bust into little pieces that could never be put back together. What was happening?? My head screamed.  
  
Everyone Hurt's  
  
By: R.E.M.  
  
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone, when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on. Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.  
  
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along. When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on) if you feel like letting go, (hold on) when you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on  
  
Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends. Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand. If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone  
  
If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long, when you think you've had too much of this life to hang on  
  
Well, everybody hurts sometimes, everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes. And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (repeat & fade) (Everybody hurts. You are not alone.)  
  
A/N  
  
Well this is not the end. But you thought they'd make up in this chapter! Well you apparently haven't read my other stories. Well I'll just leave you with this small breakthrough and little cliffhanger. PLEASE REVIEW!!!  
  
Ddstalker  
  
(This duct tape goes well with your complexion…) 


	4. She comes, He goes

**A/N**

**This is where I sit down and explain everything to you. With no songs or anything.**

**Mulder's POV  
**  
I was sitting here in Skinner's car, waiting for him to tell me what had happened to Scully. I was shocked. It had all been a trick of hers to leave me. I was also hurt she could do that without bad feelings. But I shook that feeling off quickly. Scully was gone and she was pregnant. I had to find her. No ifs ands or buts.  
  
"Mulder, a old member of the conspiracy was still alive and very eager to start it back up. And well the always-considered Scully the weak one. So we had to make her open for them to contact her. But we had to lose you and telling you was a bad idea." Skinner said. I opened my mouth, and then thought, "Well the guy's right."  
  
"They contacted her immediately. They accepted her too. Everything was going according to plan. Except Scully found out she was pregnant. We had to get her out before they found out. She had all information she needed to make the cure and save the world. We got her out alive…barely. Then she returned to you to find…well…you know…. It upset her, Mulder. She never wanted to hurt you. She didn't think…." Skinner couldn't find the right words and I wasn't in the mood to relive him for the uncomfortable turn in this conservation.  
  
"Thank you sir for all your help. But I can take it from here. We'll keep in contact." I heard myself say. I opened the car door and exited the car. A plan forming in the back of my head, thoughts coming together at a supernatural speed. My brain working in overdrive to find a way to bring Scully and my child back to me.  
  
**3 Months Later**  
  
Scully opened her eyes to a bright light. But this light was different. It was a natural light not the unnaturally bright light she'd been seeing for the past months. She turned her eyes to meet haunted tortured hazel eyes of her love. She hated what she'd done to him.   
  
"Hi" Was all she found she could say.  
  
"Hey, your finally up." He said his face breaking out in small smile.  
  
"Mulder…What? How? How did you get me back?" Scully said now fully alert.  
  
"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies." He said and lowered his mouth on hers for a heart-searing kiss. Broken only when the door to the room opened. A nurse peeped her head in. She blushed at the sight of them kissing.  
  
"Mr. Johnson I have something rather important to discuss with you and your wife." She said the corners of her mouth already turning down at what she had to break to them.  
  
"Go ahead." Mulder said as he pulled away from Scully. I felt flustered and knew my cheeks were red.  
  
"Mr. Johnson you said that Mrs. Johnson was pregnant before she disappeared." The nurse said. Mulder nodded in an agreement.   
  
"Well it shows here that Mrs. Johnson is barren and there's no trace of any baby. We could perform more tests…" Mulder shook his head. My tears were threatening to overflow. The nurse noticed and decided to leave them.   
  
"Mulder, they took our baby. I thought I was given another chance. But I threw it away again." I said my voice cracking with emotion. Mulder looked over at me. His face was strangely calm. This made me angry for some reason.  
  
"IT'S YOUR FAULT!! I HATE YOU!" I yelled. He looked taken aback. Serves him right. I though secretly to myself.  
  
"Scully I would never…" He said a wounded expression on his face.  
  
"YES YOU WOULD! YOU SELFISH SELF-CENTERED BASTARD!" I was full force shouting now. He face had the blank look, the one he used when he hurt the most but won't show it. I wanted him out of there right now!  
  
"Right me self- centered, you're the one who left me last time. I'll be that one now." He said his voice controlled. He turned and left me. All my anger rushed out of me. I collapsed on my bed, pulled one of the pillows out from under my head, and started crying. I was never going to have a child of my own and I had just pushed the man I loved out of my life. For good.  
  
**Outside Scully's Room**  
  
My cell phone rang. I dug it out of my coat pocket. Flipped open the cover and pressed the talk button.  
  
"Ready for the second step." The voice on another end said. No greeting.   
  
"Of course." I answered.  
  
"Just making sure you weren't chicken." The voice said then hung up. It was getting close to the time.  
  
**Scully's POV  
**  
The second time I woke up I wasn't in the hospital bed but a hotel bed. I freaked for a moment till I saw Mulder. He was sitting on the armchair in the corner of the room just watching me. I've never been that glad to see him…ever.  
  
"Mulder, I'm so sorry.." He cut me off by standing up and sitting on the corner of the bed.  
  
"Scully, will you be mine? I mean forever, because I don't think I could ever stand losing you again. Promise to be mine forever?" He pleaded like a little child. Well that was one promise I could keep forever. I threw myself in his arms. Kissing him madly. He pulled away suddenly.  
  
"Scully, can we have this one night? Help me forget will you?" And I did just that.  
  
**Early Morning Hours (Mulder's POV)**  
  
I looked at her beautiful healthy face. It was going to be worth it. I just want her to be happy. That's all I want. I sent a prayer up to god to help her though what she was going to have to go though. Then scribbled her a note, pressed a gentle kiss on her ruby red lips, and left the hotel.  
  
Old Warehouse  
  
I pulled up the see ten black sedans waiting for me. I parked the car and walked over to the group if dark suited men. One-stepped up to me.  
  
"Ah, Mr. Mulder we were afraid that you wouldn't come." Bastard I was 15 minutes early.   
  
"Have you kept your part of the deal?" I asked harshly ready to get it on.   
  
"Of course, of course. The baby's been delivered to Mr. Skinner with enough clues for him to figure it out." Said another in the group. I took a deep breath.   
  
"Then I'll go." That was all I could say before the light washed over me. Falling prey to the mercy of these monsters.  
  
**Scully's POV**  
  
I woke up to Mulder gone and a note in his hand. It read:  
  
_Scully,  
  
I've gone. But I'll never really leave you. Call Skinner as soon as you read this. Find the truth Scully. I will love you forever. Never forget that.  
  
Yours Forever,  
  
Mulder_  
  
He was gone. He had left me. I found my cell phone in the pile of my clothes on the floor. Quickly dialing Skinner's home phone. Dying on the inside. He answered on the 3rd ring.  
  
"Hello." He sounded strained.  
  
"Sir, It's me. Do you know what happened to Mulder?" I was not going to waste anytime.  
  
"Scully." His voice softened. My god what had happened.  
  
"They took him Scully. He went with them freely." He said. I was shocked.  
  
"Why would Mulder do that?" I asked him. Then I heard a baby in the background.  
  
"Is that a baby crying?" I asked. Then it clicked. Mulder had went with them to get back our child. He had given up his life so I could have my baby back. With this new knowledge I slipped down on the floor. I started to sob softly. Throwing the phone to where the cord ripped out of the wall. I sobbed wildly, wishing for Mulder's arms around me. Knowing I would never find comfort in them again.  
  
**A/N**  
  
HAHAHAHA!! The story took a interesting turn....What will happen to Mulder and Scully? If you want more, REVIEW!  
  
DDStalker  
  
(NO NOT THE PILLOW ROOM!)


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